Why you should take time to be single after a breakup

June 16, 2016
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Most students would agree life is divided into work, study and social life. Despite being the most important, it can be hard to make time for a social life between everything else, which makes breakups a disaster when they do happen.

Breakups are one of the worst things that can happen while studying and it can take a while to get back on track. In most cases, with regards to this magical trifecta, you might find that staying single until your next big break might end up helping out all three aspects of your student life.

So much more free time

If you’re having trouble making sense of it all or figuring out how to re-adjust, the most beneficial thing is to sit down and literally chart out the changes to your schedule. If you find you suddenly have a lot of free time where you would usually spend time hanging out with your ex, then fill it. In these new gaps there is ample room for more time with friends and family, or more work shifts and study to keep you busy. It sounds corny but writing it down will help you realise how much free time you have for more amazing things.

A dry spell might help

Obviously I’m not advocating puritan celibacy or asking you to be a Monk. But a typical element of a bad breakup is the eventual re-emergence of a sex drive and then the inevitable panic that you’re not getting enough. Look sex is great (most of you would know that) but your fountain of youth isn’t going to drizzle away that quickly. You’ll probably find that allocating a month or two to yourself to really get a hold of things and identify what you need (as opposed to what you feel you want) will be a step in the right direction.

It’s fine to have a casual fling

Let’s face it, the other side of the coin can be just as helpful. If you’re in the mood for casual encounters following the breakup, that’s just human nature and I think we’ve all been there. But we’ve probably all felt the sting of regret at least once (or twice or three times or more) and there is an element of caution that should be taken. Basically, don’t do anything out of spite or resentment is my main point here.

There’s a difference between post-breakup blues and loneliness 

No one deals with breakups well, so if you feel like you’re sad for no reason, you can go ahead and give that idea a shove because any end to a relationship is tough. This is totally normal and not really something you should look at as needing to be solved. I know, I know - just sitting around and 'getting through it' sucks, but truthfully, that is pretty much all you can do. Time by yourself to process your emotions is healthy and just because you’re sad, doesn’t mean you’re lonely and need another relationship right away.

Don't jump into something just because

If you’re the type of person who really just enjoys having a partner, please don’t read this one as a guilt trip coz that’s not what I’m about. But you should definitely be aware that having partners as an accessory, rather than as an actual source of human love and connection (or great sex) isn’t really the same thing. There’s danger in the quest to acquire somebody just for the sake of it. You don’t want to turn into a hopeless romantic who can’t differentiate between friends and relationships.

Jonathon Davidson

Jonathon is studying journalism at Murdoch University in Perth.

Image: Lillie Kate, Flickr Creative Commons license