Why you should be wary of the seemingly innocent Softboy
It’s a tough time for the single among us – just when you think you’ve sworn off all the A-holes of the dating world, a Fuckboy by a different name sneaks into your life without you realising. The Softboy doesn’t sound like he’d be a threat – but the Softboy is far from innocent (and doesn’t get his name from being actually soft and doughy).
The Softboy is the sensitive, emotional version of the Fuckboy. He’s like Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character in 500 Days of Summer – he seems intellectual and in touch with himself, yet that movie doesn’t end with you wanting to date him in the slightest.
Unlike the Fuckboy who is honest and upfront about just wanting to sleep with you, the Softboy is manipulative. He’s that shoulder to lean on and that friend you can totally talk to about your feelings, and he’ll be all about sharing his feels too. He knows exactly what you want to hear and will use that to sleep with you instead. Enter, the age of the Softboy.
Everything he does is carefully curated so you’ll sleep with them
As Fuckboys became more prevalent, the sensitive new aged-guys came about to counteract them. The Softboy is usually intelligent and knows the way to get you to fall for him is not by being an asshole, but by being a sweet, Nice Guy. That’s why everything about him is a careful act to ensure he says and does all the right things.
He’s out to prove he’s not like other guys. And along with that, you can ensure he’ll use the well-rehearsed “You’re not like other girls” line on you. If you’ve encountered a whole lot of shit guys in the past, the Softboy will seem like a refreshing change when he’s actually nice to you. But you should be way more wary of him than your average Fuckboy – his sneaky act will manipulate you and convince you it’s a good idea to sleep with him, before he moves on to “deal with his shit”.
He claims he’s a feminist, but really he’s far from it
We’re not here to accuse any guy who says he’s a feminist of being a Fuckboy, because props to any guy who says he is. But watch out for the Softboy who will use this label to his advantage and actually convince himself he is, when he is 100 percent not. The Softboy knows he’s not going to win any girl over by being a misogynist, so he plays the complete opposite guy.
It won’t be until things end badly that you’ll see his true colours – the condescending tone, or worse calling you a slut if things don’t go his way. The fact he sees you as a prize to win makes him so far from a feminist, but of course he has totally convinced himself otherwise.
His excuse will always be “It’s complicated”
The Softboy will still have all the same traits of the Fuckboy that make you feel bad about yourself – he’ll still take days to reply to a message, he’ll tell you he doesn’t believe in labels and that he’s still getting over his ex. But instead of calling his ex “crazy” like the traditional Fuckboy, he’ll talk about the complicated nature of his relationship with his ex at great lengths (seriously, you will hear about it a lot).
When it’s time to break things off with you, you can guarantee it’ll always be along the same lines of “I have a lot of personal shit to work out”, or “I’m really messed up right now”. Things are always complicated with the Softboy, which is why he can’t be with you right now. But believe us, it’s a massive win for you to get that Softboy out of your life.