What to expect during exam time

April 10, 2017
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This is the end… The culmination of, not just this semester, but really your entire institutional education. No pressure.

Clause: If you are one of those lucky fucks that doesn’t have exams, you can go straight to hell. You are barred from reading this article. You don’t deserve my magical words!!

A freak out

Crying on the floor in a foetal position, desperately bargaining to a God you may or may not believe in. On the plus side, everyone else is also freaking out (yay?). You’re not alone. Having a freak out means that you care. It’ll all be OK!

Your diet and exercise regime suddenly becomes completely unimportant

All semester I’m adamant about getting my steps in, BYOing healthy snacks and lunches, and only drinking alcohol for “medicinal” purposes (medicinal in that someone will end up in hospital if I don’t have a drink). Come exam time that’s all gone out the window. “Oh, I shouldn’t live on frozen hash browns and coffee? I should occasionally do some form of exercise to flush the plaque from my arties? Mmmm, OK maybe later.”

Simply being so utterly tired

This is beyond sleep deprived. It’s being so tired you can’t even sleep. The tired will be in your bones, in your eyeballs and in your soul! You’ll wonder if you’ve ever felt not tired. You will be dog tired. ESPECIALLY if you are part of the unlucky group that needs to continue to work during exams. No rest for the wicked… maybe… errgghh.


Not necessarily your tears but… there will be tears.

Finding out who your real friends are

Uni is like being on a ship. During the main part of the semester we all have our own duties. Yeah, we might help each other out a bit but for the most part, we do our own thing and it’s reasonably smooth sailing.

Exam time = ship has just crashed into a giant pile of big, sharp, pointy rocks and there’s lava and bull ants and everything is on fire! This ship is going down. True friends will save you a life jacket and pull you on to the life boat. Frenemies, will give you a dud lifejacket and *accidentally* push you into the tar-like ocean of notes and confusion.

P.S. The door was big enough for them both!! Don’t be a Rose. Preventing one person from getting a decent grade, won’t make yours any better. Karma is a bitch, yo.

The environmentalist

SOMEONE will say something about trees, paper, and the environment. It’s usually me. To be fair it’s 50 per cent caring about the environment and 50 per cent hating exams. No paper, no exams, right? Please?

Making plans to not fuck up next semester

Just like you did last semester… I believe you’ll change. Do you?! I hope so.

A true sense of camaraderie

It is an amazing feeling when a group of people all experience the same thing, at the same time, at the same please. Elections, sporting events, RuPaul’s Drag Race finale. The highs and the lows of this harrowing experience will bind you and your true friends for life. You will always have your back and you will always have theirs. And that feeling is pretty nice. 

Annabel Sweetnam-Groom

Annabel is a Journalism graduate who is completing her Law and Criminology degrees and a Modern History minor at Murdoch. She enjoys whisky, pizza, and sleeping.

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