What students write on their cover letters vs what they actually mean

July 06, 2016
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If find yourself trawling around for jobs online, you’ll find that pretty much every application requires that dreaded document you just don't want to write – the cover letter. A whole letter just to apply for a job that we all know you only want for the $/hour ratio.

What happens when you add a student attitude to a cover letter application? A page of fudging, fake it till you make it rubbish that's absolutely pure gold. Sound familiar? Here are some of the expressions you’re probably used when writing a cover letter (and what you actually mean).

What students write: I have a keen interest in position 'x' 

What they actually mean: I applied for 200 different jobs today and I have no idea what this one is for.

What students write: I have a strong record of participating in volunteer work.

What they actually mean: This one time in primary school I got in trouble for running in the hallway and had to pick up litter during lunch time. It was the most physical activity I've ever done and I'm sure the community appreciated it. 

What students write: My work ethic is excellent and consistent

What they actually mean: For the past three years I have consistently finished every assignment the night before it was due to a pass-grade standard.

What students write: I'm an excellent communicator

What they actually mean: I know how to use two filters on Snapchat at once.

What students write: I'm a proficient multi-tasker

What they actually mean: I use Tumblr when I go to the toilet.

What students write: I have achieved a lot in many different fields of work

What they actually mean: People I've worked with have done amazing things and I was near them when they did it.

What students write: I'm a natural leader but also contribute fairly when working in groups

What they actually mean: The chances of me being caught falling asleep during a group task is double the normal probability.

What students write: I'm a dynamic worker

What they actually mean: I actually have no idea what I mean by this, please don't ask me.

What students write: I'm passionate about this type of work and would love to pursue it further by...

What they actually mean: You better strap yourself in now sonny and listen to the yarn of bullshit I'm about to spin.

What students write: I'm highly motivated, enthusiastic and energetic

What they actually mean: I need money, please give me money, can I have the money?

What students write: I've developed a broad range of skills to suit this workplace

What they actually mean: I'm pretty average at everything but damn my coffee brewing is on point.

What students write: I'm fluent in all aspects of information technology

What they actually mean: I downloaded a font pack for Word once and got four viruses.

What students write: I have strong interpersonal skills

What they actually mean: Can you tell how socially awkward I am just by reading this?

What students write: My creative flair extends to all of my work

What they actually mean: I make memes in MS Paint regularly. 

What students write: I have a strong social media presence

What they actually mean: I paid $40 to gain a bunch of followers who are actually from an overseas click farm.

What students write: I'm fluent in various languages

What they actually mean: I can drop the F-bomb in six different dialects.

What students write: I'm a brand-aware content producer operating across a multi-platform synergy

What they actually mean: I only have a vague idea of what these words mean but they sound pretty impressive.

Harrison Johnstone

A country kid at heart with city slicking aspirations in his head, Harrison is an aspiring journalist, video editor and human being.

Image: Step Brothers official Facebook page

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