Things first-year students say vs what every other student says

March 10, 2017
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In our first year, we say a lot of crazy things because we're energised beyond belief and feel the need to prove ourselves. But as soon as second and third year rolls around, trying to summon the same energy we once had just isn’t possible. If you’ve made it past first year, chances are you’ve also become the uni cliché you never thought you’d become.

“Oh no I’m going to be late!” vs “Oh well, I may as well get a coffee.”

If you’re already running late, you may as well do the walk of shame in the lecture theatre properly with coffee in hand and the awkward yet apologetic smile in place. It’s just logical.

“I feel so mature.” vs “I am actually old.”

When you’re a first year you don’t walk around, you stride because you’ve finally reached university and life is looking pretty damn good. But when you’re a third year hitting up O-Week for a free Boost coupon and see all the very excited and energetic first years, you can’t help but feel worn out.  

“What if I don’t make any friends?” vs “Where’s the therapy dog at?”

I don’t know whether the lack of caring is due to the constant stress or whether we’ve become disenchanted as time has gone on. Regardless of the reason, the lack of caring has instead resulted in less of a social life and more of an influx of nights in with Netflix, meme-tagging, and “Hydraulic Press vs Golf Ball” videos.

“What do I wear?” vs “I really need to wash this shirt...”

You know you just don’t care anymore when outfit repeating is a thing of the past and you rock up to uni in leggings, your Year 12 jumper and different coloured socks. The ever shrinking interest in personal hygiene and secret stash of dry shampoo and deodorant means you’ve definitely grown out of your first-year habits.

“Twenty per cent is a lot of my final grade.” vs “I’ll make up for it in the next one.”

Nothing chances the fact that twenty per cent is a lot of someone’s grade – but desperate times call for desperate measures. This is all in the efforts to ready yourself for a Distinction bordering on a Credit or a Credit bordering on a Pass that you’ll cop as a smack on the wrist. Then of course you’ll make it up in the next one.

“Party!” vs “Naps!”

And by this I mean bunkering down for an afternoon refresher only to wake up even more tired than you were before. FOMO does nothing to you anymore, so with a guilty yet necessarily phone call you pull the, “On second thoughts, I have uni tomorrow and I probably shouldn’t go.”

“I’ll apply next year.” vs “Shit...”

This isn’t necessarily a first-year thing, although when you are in first year, you generally push future planning to the back of your mind because you have plenty of time to mull over it…later. But if your degree is a mere three years and you find yourself at the end of second year with the above thoughts finally catching up to you, well then shit.

“Where should we go for lunch today?” vs “Do you want some of my sandwich?”

In the good old days, lunch used to mean leaving campus with friends for a fancy brunch or dining at the totally over-priced hipster café. But now? Perhaps lunch from home will do, or maybe a $2.50 sushi when you feel like treating yourself.

“I have goss!” vs “Have you seen that meme?”

After all, all the gossip just gets exhausting after a while compared to the shits and giggles that memes can provide during a lecture.

“I’ll drive!” vs “You drive.”

Driving seemed fun to begin with. But the novelty wears off when you can’t find parking or change for ticket machines. Not to mention the feeling of trying to remain calm when someone just can’t drive and watching the price skyrocket when you’re filling up fuel. #yay

Steffanie Tan

Steffanie is studying a Bachelor of Journalism at Monash University and is horrible at bios and that is all that needs to be said.