The seven stages of every uni semester

April 12, 2017
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It doesn’t matter how many times you tell yourself “Things will be different this semester”. It doesn’t matter if you’re in your third, fourth, fifth or (God forbid) sixth year of uni. Every single semester of your uni life will be exactly the same. And it might play out a little like this.

Orientation: blind optimism

O-Week rolls around and you’re totally ready to take on a new semester. New sem, new you is your motto. You tell yourself that this semester will be different – no leaving assignments to the last minute and HDs all the way.

Week one to week three: total procrastination

You might skip the first couple of classes because pssh, they’re just intro classes anyway. You rock up in week two to get the subject outline and good news! Your first assignment isn't due until week four, plenty of time. You spend the next couple of weeks cruising and doing the bare minimum, claiming your “easing” into the semester.

Week four to week eight: complete panic

Next thing you know, week four rolls around and you’re panicking because it’s one assignment due straight after the other. You’ve left it all until now, even after you promised yourself you wouldn’t. You only have yourself to blame – or maybe you'll blame Brooklyn Nine-Nine for being so addictive.

Mid-sem: blissful ignorance

Mid-sem exams are over, assignments are handed in and you are ready for a week-long nap. That is, until you remember the assignments due straight after mid-sem break. Once again, you tell yourself you deserve a break, so you continue the Netflix binge and refuse to leave your bed.

Week eight to week 13: imminent breakdown

This is when hell really breaks loose. All those 10 per cent assignments in week four were nothing compared to the 40 per cent, 3500 word beasts that you have to do now, along with lecturers reminding you that exams are coming up…

Revision week: study prison

Revision week shouldn’t be so bad, seeing as you carefully organised your notes and started studying ages ago- oh wait, you haven’t done any of those things. Time to learn an entire semester's worth of content in one week. It’ll be a week of being chained to your laptop, drinking lots of coffee and going crazy.

Final exams: total defeat

You’re tired, delirious and just want it all to be over, quickly. Instead, it’s drawn out with a three-hour exam right at the end of the exam period. You get in there, word vomit a bunch of random facts you’ve only just learned in the past week and walk out of the exam feeling relieved, but defeated. Enter a couple of months of recovery before you have to do it all over again.

Image: Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt official Facebook page