The frenemy: Six red flags that your friend may also be your enemy

March 07, 2017
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At some point in our lives, most of us will have a friend, or even a best friend, who we later realise is toxic and doesn’t bring much ‘friend’ to the word friendship. These are the frenemy types to watch out for and beware – because they suck.

The puppeteer

If you know someone like Regina George from Mean Girls, our condolences. She acts like she’s superior to the plastics and gives a threatening vibe to cut off anyone who stands in her way, when really it should be vice versa. This type of frenemy is more obvious and intense rather than subtle and two-faced.

If there is anyone like this in your life (even if they aren’t a friend) just steer clear! Just because someone might seem like they have all the control, that doesn’t make them a great person. Because at the end of the day you’ll be all like “(Insert name here) is not sweet! She’s a scum-sucking road whore, she ruined my life!” The worst is when they’re actually a funny person but as soon as the joke is on you, you feel like absolute trash.

The master of manipulation

Realising a friend may be manipulating you is a tricky one, because you usually don’t realise until a while afterwards, making it easy for you to fall into their trap again and again and again. It’s the sneakiest form of frenemy where they play with your mind and emotions. It’s usually the person in a group of friends who is the ‘leader’ and everyone in that group looks up to them or needs their approval, which is all a part of their various hidden agendas. Sometimes all they need to do is say one small, ambiguous thing and it will stay with you.

The selfish friend

We probably all have that one friend that only thinks of themselves and doesn’t care about the sort of damage it could leave on you or anyone else. It’s that friend that says “Yeah, let’s meet up Friday night for drinks,” but then says they have to cancel – then, Friday night comes around and their Snapchat story is them clubbing with a big group of mates. They always take the ‘better option’. Friends like these may seem like they have good intentions and a good heart every time they have to explain their actions, but do they really?

The unsupportive

They can actually suck. When suddenly you get a new job or you need to study for a major exam that’s on Monday, all they do is get pissy with you, whinge about ‘how you’re changing’ and throw hissy fits when you can’t see them twice in one day. Maybe it’s another form of selfishness? This type of frenemy sounds like what could be an annoying best friend because they love you and want to spend all their time with you – however, when it gets out of hand, it ain’t cool.

The hot and cold friendship

The perfect (but perhaps extreme) example is Serena and Blair’s friendship in Gossip Girl. Serena has sex with Blair’s boyfriend, Blair reveals scandalous material about Serena. Serena tries to steal Blair’s place at the college of her dreams, Blair goes out with Serena’s ex. Their ‘worst friendship moments’ list could go on and on, but so could their best moments. That’s why this red flag is a tough one – when you go through the very worst with a friend but also the very best, it’s hard to let go or have space when it feels like they’re your second half. If it’s a friendship worth fighting for – try having a strong D&M and set ground rules, otherwise the pattern will forever continue. 

Know your boundaries, know who you actually enjoy spending time with and know those who makes you feel like a superstar! The rest can go in the trash just like your year 12 textbooks did.

Image: Mean Girls official Facebook page

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