The five types of guys you’re probs talking to RN if you’re single

March 03, 2017
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If you’re a young, straight, single lady in this day and age of dating apps and UberEATS, you may have already noticed that there is a demographic of guys that you’re talking to right now. Whether that’s through Snapchatting or WhatsApp, there are usually five specific types of guys who are either pissing you off or giving you all the attention you feel is deserved.

The obsessed one

This guy is the keenest out of all your young bachelors. At first you’re flattered and kind of love the attention, but unfortunately, you have him on more than three social media accounts for him to access you. If you don’t answer within two minutes, he’ll get pissy and whinge like Bert from Sesame Street. When you finally do build up the courage to answer, (or you’re finally bothered to), they see and reply in less than two seconds. You become too scared to log on because they’ll repeatedly message you saying “I saw you online two minutes ago, why don’t you answer me? *insert sad face emoji*. Um, because you’re annoying Frank.

The Snapchatter

This guy… OK, so he pretty much only contacts you via Snapchat, which is the most similar app to Tinder in terms of people being the most confident to put out and send things they may regret in the morning. Facebook is a lot more chill and Instagram is for memes and whatnot. However, with Snapchat… This guy is obviously keen for one thing and one thing only. The desperate signs include: Snapchats usually sent after 11pm and Snapchats consisting of two emojis at once such as the fire emoji and the wink-with-tongue-out emoji. The rest you can imagine.

The one you never meet up with

You know deep down that you’re never, ever going to meet up with this guy. You make plans to meet Thursday for coffee and then Thursday comes around and neither of you say anything to reconfirm this date. By 9pm, one of you is like “Oh sorry, I was napping, can we reschedule?” And the cycle continues, for longer than appreciated, and it bums you out. Who are you both kidding? Just don’t talk anymore; it will save you both from writing in and scratching out dates in your diary – and who wants a messy diary?

The Ex

They sort of make things confusing. What do they want? Friendship? A nostalgic root? Or is this a new form of humour where people go out of their way to make someone feel like they want them again but really they’re bored and want to toy with people’s emotions? This obviously depends on the way you guys broke up – if you’re on good terms, bad terms or somewhere messy in-between. Either way, it’s a cautionary tale.

The one you actually like

Finally, the one you actually care about! He’s the decent one who sits near you in your uni lecture who turns to look at you just once or twice to smile, or that friend of a friend that tags along to pre-drinks sometimes – and you’re either too nervous to message him OR he barely answers when you do. C’est la vie. Overthinking how to word a message to a guy is so overrated, so is pondering over fifty possible different meanings in the message he sent you. If he doesn’t answer you much on Facebook after a couple of tries, don’t be offended, but you could be one of those five girls that he’s talking to right now. 

Claudia Siron

Claudia studies Media Arts and Production at the University of Technology Sydney, is a major film and television fan and her favourite director is Quentin Tarantino.

Image: Vladimir Medvedev, Flickr Creative Commons license