The five people you meet when you go out clubbing

June 02, 2017
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It’s a Friday night and you’ve finally submitted your last assignment for the week. Most of us know that means it’s time to go out, have a drink and just let loose with your best mates. When we go out it’s like we become a different version of ourselves. Can you imagine going out in the daytime being super flirty with randoms or becoming ‘best friends’ with someone you just met in the bathrooms? Clubs allow us to be, well, the worst version of ourselves – and we meet a few special types on the way.

The Wasted One

This person is always causing a ruckus, which gets them kicked out, and sometimes even gets their mates kicked out. Not fun. They’re usually pulling a scene from Shameless – being a dick to bartenders, being sassy (and slurry) with bouncers and of course trying to get with everyone on the DF.

You know they’re going to wake up the next morning with regrets, and you also know that you can very much relate to them. You’ve probably been the wasted one before, so don’t judge too hard. Pointers if you come across this nightclub species – a) give them water, b) point them in the right direction of the bathroom if you can see their face is turning green and c) be glad this isn’t you right now.

The Ladies Man

Whether this guy is gay or not, he has all the women on the dance floor wrapped around his little finger. He’s like the Bermuda Triangle – everyone just gets sucked right into his life-of-the-party charm.  You can find him in the centre of the dance floor or in the wet t-shirt contest. Cocky is his middle name so try not to fall in love too fast with the hottest guy in the club, because you will sadly have to share with the rest of us.

The Lurker

This guy is just not cool. He’s gropey, creepy and downright annoying. He (or she) follows you all night long watching your every move while they chitter-chat with their one mate they came out clubbing with. Their goal of the night is to get laid or tell their friends the next day they got to touch another human’s ass.

Seriously, you shouldn’t feel that way when you’re going out and if you’re uncomfortable then you should tell security and they’ll be discreet about it. Telling your mates that someone’s creeping on you can sometimes cause an unnecessary scene with their not-so-smart, drunken, heroic ideas to save you from lurkers – so tell security first.

The Bathroom Bestie

There’s always one. You’ll find a moment in your night out where you’re busting and you get your girlfriends to line up with you for what seems like hours for the bathroom. Eventually, your friends will ditch you because they aren’t busting like you are. So it’s time to make a new friend. She’s lovely, she’s loud and of course she’s drunk. She will hug you, she will share the cubicle with you and she will take more than an appropriate amount of selfies with you. It feels like you’ve known her your whole life and you’ll never have such a great friend like Whats-her-name. Ten minutes later she vanishes, and you’ll never see her again. Tip: Try the Bermuda Triangle.

The Bitch

You don’t know what this girl’s problem is with you. Perhaps you got too friendly with her boyfriend or guy she’s “in a thing with”, or maybe you just piss her off because you’re looking fabulous/10 and getting a solid amount of attention.

Usually, they’re jealous wannabies and unfortunately come in a package deal of around two to four girlfriends by their side. So steer clear from this one, because they will get feisty and they’ve got backup. Signs someone hates you at a club: They death stare you, they’re actually trying to shove you when they’re doing the cha-cha slide or kick you when doing the stanky leg, and/or they tell you to your face. Sigh…

Claudia Siron

Claudia studies Media Arts and Production at the University of Technology, Sydney, is a major film and television fan and her favourite director is Quentin Tarantino.

Image: Girls official Facebook page

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