The best and worst parts of an Australian summer

December 20, 2016
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Depending on what you’re into, all of the below could be the very best of a classic Aussie summer… except for the mozzies, no one can possibly like a mozzie bite on the back of the thigh or a fly hell-bent on landing on your face.

Nevertheless, here are the best and worst parts of a good ol’ Aussie summer.

Nothing’s on TV but cricket

There’s Test Cricket, the Women’s Big Bash League, and the Men’s Big Bash League in case you were questioning its total summer dominance.

Falling asleep to cricket and crickets

Even if you’re not a cricket fan, there’s just something super relaxing when you kick back to a Test match on a summer afternoon. And if it runs into evening play, cricket is joined by actual crickets buzzing way into the night. 

All the VB ads

There’s just a general influx of beer ads over the summer break but it’s the VB ads that make you look up from your phone and crack a smile at how ludicrous they can be.

Vision Australia’s Carols by Candlelight

Karl Stefanovic and Lisa Wilkinson (or their equivalent), Santa, an Australian Idol winner, the new High-Five that confuses you, the half old, half new Wiggles and the choir.

Every year.

Extreme heat exhaustion

Where even sitting in the car for a few seconds results in sweat dripping down your calves.

I’m dreaming of a white scorching Christmas

The only snow you’ll see is in the onslaught of Christmas films coming in hot all throughout December on free-to-air television, Nextflix, Stan, Foxtel – anywhere. Otherwise it’ll be air-cons on full blast, backup eskys in case the fridge overheats, the iconic Bintang Bali singlet and tan lines from thongs. 

Cold tap water is warm water

You know it’s bad when showering is 80% cold water, 20% hot water.

Everyone tuning into the Sydney New Year’s Fireworks

There’s always something comical about switching channels during the fireworks show, even though you know Sydney’s the only one worth watching. The other cities will try but nothing can beat the iconic bridge that will be the only Australian landmark making it into the New Year’s world news.

Getting burnt at the beach

Sometimes we make the mistake of applying all the sunscreen on our legs, arms and chest and just putting a smidge on our face because hey, we’re using sunnies and a hat. The next day you’re Rudolf the red-face reindeer with a surprise burnt neck because the Australian sun is a savage.

Bare feet means fried feet from the bitumen

It’s just across the road, you say, it won’t hurt. Yet even walking across the scorching sand is making you sizzle.

But on a serious note, walking around barefoot or in thongs is such an Aussie thing and possibly the only place you can get away with wearing thongs everywhere, every day and any time without receiving any sort of judgement.

Mozzies and flies

As mentioned above, the irritating combo of a mozzie and fly is enough to grab all the half empty cans of Mortein around your house and spray the place down.

The friend with the pool

Naturally, the friend with the pool has a party at least once a week, completely BYO with Spotify supplying the goods, music wise.

Sunscreen

We all know that infamous smell as we slip, slop, slap and then slide around in the water feeling all greasy.

Mangoes

They’re juicy, sweet, fresh, aesthetically pleasing to look at and just so damn good. Bring on all the mangoes and the Weis Mango bars because Ohhhh Myyyy Goooood (Janice voice).

The Aus Open (tennis not golf)

Even if you don’t follow tennis but do live in Melbourne, you’re somehow going to end up at AAMI Park for the free grounds entrance just to chill. If not, it’s just another thing to watch with Henri Leconte’s iconic and at times, savage AF commentary.

Steffanie Tan

Steffanie is studying a Bachelor of Journalism at Monash University and is horrible at bios and that is all that needs to be said.

Image: Giphy

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