Ten things that you'll stop doing when you move out of home
Flying the coop. Leaving the nest. There’s nothing that asserts your independence and newfound adulthood like leaving your parents’ home. However, with great responsibility, comes great poorness, and you’ll have to make a few cutbacks if you don’t want to move back in with mum and dad. Here are the top ten things you’ll stop doing after leaving home.
You’ll try to be frugal with your money, scrimping and saving and attending events with free lunches. And then, you’ll see your housemate getting up to scrape her half-eaten dinner plate into the bin. You’ll affect the hands-on-hips stance of an angry mum and exclaim: “That’s two dollars’ worth of chicken! Do you have any idea that there are children starving in Africa? Clean your plate, missy!”
Going to the doctors/dentist
When an illness of any description arises, you’ll ask yourself a series of important questions to determine whether you really need to fork out all that money to be treated.
“Does it hurt?” Yes. “But is it likely that I’ll die?” Nah. Problem solved.
“Over twenty dollars for a haircut?” No way! And my hair doesn’t grow that fast anyway.
That will seem like a good idea, until you wake up one morning and realise you look like one of the Muppets. But that won’t matter, because your lengthened strands will be a reminder of all the cash you’re saving.
Dudes, rock that shaggy surfer mop and ladies, you do you, and own those dishevelled Rapunzel strands.
Delaying the payment of bills
“Oh my god, my phone bill is due in two days?!” (Panic attack ensues) “I’d better pay it now, or the phone company will send me a ‘stern reminder’ and it’ll hang over my head until I pay it.”
Welcome to adulthood. It sucks. You’re going to love it.
You’ve just worked a double shift at your crappy hospitality job, and you have another full day tomorrow. Your mates want to go out, but ugh. It costs to keep this independent lifestyle afloat, people. When did it become socially unacceptable to stay at home with a cup of tea and your doona?
Washing clothes as frequently
OMG, washing powder (not to mention fabric softener) is so expensive. It goes something like this: “Does it smell?” No. “Any stains?” Nah. It’s wearable.
Speaking to your parents
As soon as you leave the rents’ house, you’ll go though a period of enriched independence where you’ll cease communication with them altogether.
But then something will happen, be it a laundry mishap or a relationship breakdown, and you’ll realise that they were right about absolutely everything, ever. You’ll start texting your mum to make important life decisions (“mum, how do I make that lasagne thing?”), and just to say hello, because, as much as you hate to admit it, you kind of miss them.
Eating out as much
Your eating habits will drastically change after moving out. You’ll develop an appreciation for the simpler things in life, like instant noodles. If you’re something of a weakling, you’ll also stop eating pickles, jam, and other food in jars because it’s way too hard to open them when there’s no-one else around.
On the plus side, a diet of ramen and Vegemite sandwiches will make your parents’ cooking taste like it came from a Michelin starred restaurant.
Because screw that, right?
Paying for a bus far? No thanks, I’ll walk.
Caring about home decoration
“When we move out,” you’ll say to your SO/future housemates, “we’ll buy all matching stuff from Ikea and have classy prints on the walls”.
However, when you’re knee-deep in bills, an unframed poster of Che Guevara, a pair of mismatched couches and a second-hand card table are passable décor choices. If you can cry on it during exams, and pass out on it on Saturday nights, it’s appropriate.
Jordan Bissell is studying journalism at the University of Queensland. She likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.
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