Ten things every student is sick of hearing

May 02, 2016
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I’m not going to sugar-coat it: reading some of these might just make your skin crawl. All the points to the poor soul who has copped all 10 of these in one day – you’re my hero.

“Have you started yet?”

As if your denial, procrastination and lingering thoughts of “You should probably start soon” aren’t enough, a friend in the same unit approaches you and asks the above.

*Guttural groan*

It’s OK, though. Half the time it’ll come back as a “Nah, me neither” and you and your friend will laugh/cry, promise to get started tonight, be study buddies and then go off in search for some food.

“There’s a ticket inspector out front.”

Just as you’re done for the day, you get the text or see the post on your unofficial uni Facebook page. You scout the area and calculate if you can slip/run/crawl by, only to see they’re absolutely unavoidable. It’s going to make you late for the train; you’re going to miss it by a minute. You can just see it now, unless there’s a way you can quickly get your Myki/Opal card checked… wait, where did I put my concession card?

Shit.

“Attendance is recorded.”

Of course it is.

“You should join more clubs. Join the ____ today!”

*averts eye-contact/powerwalks away/pretends to be deep in thought/reading/talking to friends/texting/runs away*

“You’ll be randomly allocated into groups…”

…and you slowly slide away from your dream partner/friend as you take apart the dream work plan you’d already come up with, and become very, very bitter.

“No, this food isn’t free.”

This one hits you right where it hurts – literally, your growling stomach. But if you drop by the bookstore and buy something at full price, you’ll totally get a free student calendar - #YAY

“I’ll know if you’ve written it the night before.”

Every lecturer or tutor says it either as a ‘cool’ joke or a in a serious attempt to scare you a little. However, in all honesty, you feel like the emoji with one palm up sassily saying, “Pls.”

“Have you applied for an internship yet?”

“How do I apply though?”

You did read those emails, right? You saw the deadlines and sent back inquiring emails with your interest? Do you need a cover letter? Is it through the uni or do you have to find it yourself? This is in the unit guide… right?

Adulthood needs to chill.

“Student debt.”

Like stepping on a Lego piece with one foot and then stepping into a pile of shit with the other.

And finally, “What are you going to do when you graduate?”

The simplest answer is to get a job, but is it really that straightfoward? Just think about it all: the résumé, cover letters, endless interviews – none of which have a definite answer for you. Do you have any connections, a way to stick your foot in the door, or are you all alone? Do you even want to get straight into work or take that much needed gap year you’ve always dreamed of? Or do you want to stay at uni and further your studies, get a masters or attempt a PhD? The choices are endless.  

Decisions, decisions, decisions and… cue binge-eating/watching/drinking/sleeping. 

Steffanie Tan

Steffanie is studying a Bachelor of Journalism at Monash University.

Image: Sherman Geronimo-Tan, Flickr Creative Commons license

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