Stop telling single people that these are the reasons why they're still single

June 28, 2017
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Despite their good intentions, people in relationships often throw some serious shade at single people. In addition to phrases like “You’re so great, how are you still single?” some coupled up friends like to offer advice that, while probs only meaning well, can often make you feel worse. If you’re in a position where you’re not sure why you’re single, the worst thing you can do is believe the following myths.

“You’re single because you put out on the first date.”

This is a pretty bizarre one. The idea that you need to get someone hooked by withholding sex from them for X amount of dates isn’t the reason why all your friends are coupled up. Sometimes when the feeling is right, you just go for it because you’re young, single and why the hell not. If someone’s decision of whether to pursue a second date is based on whether you put out on the first, you probs don't want to be with that person. Equally frustrating is being told we're single because the number of people we've slept with is too high. Urghh.

“You’re single because you’re too intimidating.”

Also total BS. If we’re to believe this myth, it would have us acting like total bimbos on the first date. Being strong and independent should be an attractive feature and not labelled as intimidating. Having a good job or being the one who will earn more in the relationship shouldn’t be a reason why someone doesn't date you.

 “You’re single because you’re too fussy.”

In some aspects – this might be true. You’re single because you’re not going to settle for just anyone. But the way this is said tends to be more negative than it needs to be. People might tell you to drop your ridiculously high standards or stop being so picky – but why would you want to settle for less? You’re selective for a good reason and it’s better to be single than with the wrong person.

“You’re single because you have too much baggage.”

Newsflash, everyone has baggage. Everyone has some issues they need to sort through or baggage from the past that can affect future relationships. If this myth was true, everyone would be single. Sure, unleashing all your baggage on the first date might be too much too soon. But there’s no reason you shouldn’t be upfront and honest when you start dating someone – if someone uses baggage as a reason not to date you, it’s a pretty lame excuse.

“You’re single because you’re not what guys/girls want.”

You have the right to get salty AF towards anyone who says this to you. If anyone suggests you need to change some aspect of your personality or appearance to be more appeasing to the opposite sex, you have my permission to tell them where to go. Being in a relationship where you had to change yourself to be with that person won’t make you happy. No matter how quirky or different you are, there will be someone who will embrace you for you and it’ll be exactly what they want.

Image: Trainwreck