Single survival: how to spot a f**kboy

May 27, 2016
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To my general dismay, it feels like I'm living in a society where fuckboys are becoming more prevalent.  All the decent guys seem to get snagged up quicker than luxe active wear on sale, leaving single souls with an overwhelming tide of jerk guys and the dregs of relationships turned sour. You want to be asked on a date by a nice guy in modern society? Good luck with that.

Welcome to the 21st Century, AKA the age of the fuckboy. Seeing as it is a single gal’s most unfortunate job to navigate this personal hell, the following is a list of dead giveaways that indicate you should avoid this guy like the plague.

Too much too soon

What started as a hook-up turns into cute messages throughout the day, which then turns into a casual thing between the two of you. You’re happy to hang out and he’s very attentive and complimentary.  It would seem he thinks you’re the best thing he’s ever laid eyes upon, and too soon he’s telling you how much he likes you when you still need to get to know each other.

If he’s coming on too strong too quickly, alarm bells should be going off in your head. This is a technique utilised by the fuckboy to make you feel appreciated and cared about. It’s a forewarning for what will come; if the “falling for you” part is rushed and they’re shoving in all the intensity while they know they have the chance, the end is nigh. Expect the pushing away phase to begin in the following weeks.

“Don’t fall in love with me.”

Classic fuckboy line. Ah, yes, we hooked up one night but you got me, my heart simply cannot go on. It was my own drunkenness that reeled me in, not your cringe-worthy lines. But your inflated ego believes it will take less than 24 hours for me to start falling head over heels for your cheesy charm? I don’t think so.

Emerging from the wreckage of relationships past

Back away ladies, back away. The fuckboy will not hesitate to tell you some miserable tale about the failure of his most recent relationship because, you know, he’s just being honest. You should appreciate this honesty as the quicker you can identify the situation, the quicker you can leave.

Whether it was his fault because he’s a previously offending fuckboy or it genuinely didn’t work out and he got screwed over, you can rest assured that he’s out for revenge and will screw you over in an attempt to reconcile the pain of his last relationship.  While decent people will try to get over a relationship by improving themselves, fuckboys will attempt to get over it by temporarily destroying the life of an innocent bystander.

“I’m just so messed up right now.”

Even worse than the horrible relationship breakup sympathy card is the “I’m such a fucked up person” sympathy card. The premise here is that you should be personally touched that he trusts you enough to tell you this.

If he’s delivering some woeful essay within hours of meeting, it’s a fuckboy. A normal individual will wait until they at least remember the other person’s name before advertising their deepest and darkest emotions. This one needs a psychologist, not another victim under his belt.

“You’re different from all the others.”

Another typical line, made more insulting by the fact that he thinks it’s the highest praise in the world for you to feel like you’ve won some competition against other women. What’s more, they sincerely believe you should be grateful to gain this utter moron as your grand prize.

The trick here is not to focus on the “you’re different” but the “all the others”. There have been multiple “others” that have given it a go and left. General consensus? It’s no good.  He’s going to give you a reason to leave sooner or later so go find that life raft and jump in.  

Unfortunately, we females enter the world of singledom with no insight into how to survive in the wild. Keep a watchful eye and arm yourself with solid gal pals as you step into the arena of fuckboys aplenty. 

Grace Potter

Grace studies Communications & Media at the University of Wollongong and is an avid fan of Harry Potter and coffee.

Image: Akio Takemoto, Flickr Creative Commons license

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