Seven things only retail employees get excited about

May 02, 2017
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For many of you, being a student means ~studying~ your tush off while pinching pennies from your casual job, just to cover your uni life budget. If you work in retail though, you know them feels all too well. It can be a hellfire at times, sure, but it’s time we appreciate the thrills, team. Without further ado, here are seven of them.

Payday

Whether you earn moolah weekly, fortnightly or monthly, it goes without saying that payday is the best day – it’s the best day since, well, the last time you’ve been bestowed with a large sum of money. After all, nothing excites you more than seeing your account enter triple digit territory. Or, even better, four digits. To quote a timeless lyric from your girl Lizzie McGuire: “This is what dreams are made of.”

Seeing your work BFFs

You may not see your A-team on the reg, but when you all get rostered together, you know it’s going to be a good shift. Evidence? You all engage in tomfoolery and all-round good times, even if it means getting raised eyebrows from your co-workers. Whatevs, you can kick them to the curb – they’re not on the same wavelength as you. In the interim, a 40-minute bitch sesh is in order. Customers? They can wait.

Going on your break

It’s the one thing you think of when your shift is longer than five hours – you constantly keep tabs on the time to cover your “Is it my break yet?” moments.

While you’re in the back room, your team are struggling big time. You’d like to help, but you’re all about them carbs for the next thirty mins, an hour tops if you’re lucky. The downside is you wish it didn’t go by *snaps fingers* just like that.

Losing your shit when the HBIC isn’t working

Often, you feel the pressure when the HBIC is around – you’re picking up the nearest thing to show you’re doing something productive, right? Thoughts like “I want to ask my manager something but I’m afraid to”, “What if the boss says no?” and “Does the HBIC hate me?” go out the window when the assistant manager is in control. They’re not just a second-in-charge, they’re a cool second-in-charge.

Clocking out of your shift

You want to get out (leave) as soon as poss. Your mood lifts tenfold when a co-worker comes in to take your place – now’s the time to head off while they deal with your mess. As you walk away just like Craig David taught you to, a customer asks for help. Response? “I wish I could, but I can’t – sorry!” Not even. Bed is calling, and after a long day of working hard or hardly working, you deserve it.

Using your staff discount

Now, I don’t know about you, but where I work at, I get 50 per cent off full-priced stock. FIFTY-FREAKING-PER CENT, I say. If I’m a massive cheapskate though, I’ll wait for the occasional uniform deal where I score 75 per cent off listed items from said offer to flaunt in store. That is, if it’s a yes from me. Don’t judge, I’m on a budget remember? It’s the closest I get to nabbing free stuff.

Closing shop

The minute it hits 5.30pm, you let out a sigh of relief. Yeah boi! But wait, more customers are about to head in. At 5.31pm? Not on your watch. You love holding the responsibility of shooing shoppers away with your favourite line, “We’re closed”, who’s the bitch now face being optional. *Slams door for dramatic effect*.

Ryan Bautista

Ryan is an Arts (Media, Culture and Technology) student at the University of New South Wales. Don’t @ him but pineapple belongs on pizza.

Image: Superstore official Facebook page

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