Moving back in with your parents: a survival guide

May 27, 2016
Article Promo Image

Look, it’s something that no one wants to do. Frankly, if you’re lucky/fiscal enough, you won’t have to. However, for most of us excess-obsessed millennials, sometimes our outlandish spending habits and irrepressible #wanderlust can get the better of us.

Then we have to make a painful decision: do we give all that up so we can keep paying rent, or do we move back in with our rents so we can still get that signature snap in front of the international departures sign? More often than not, we’ll opt for the latter but moving back home is a lifestyle change you may not have expected.

They’ll probably still ask you to buy your own groceries

Look, just because you’ve moved back home does not mean you have relinquished all adult responsibilities. From my experience, groceries always took a shameful chunk out of my weekly income (confessions of a brand whore). Upon moving back home, I was secretly thinking I could just call Dad on his way home from work and sneakily drop “hey would you be able to get me a few things from the shops?”

Turns out I underestimated my Dad’s ability to spot a scab.

You’ll have to teach them what Netflix is

Well, you will if you have parents like mine, who learned only last week what a ‘Google’ meant.

You’ll probs find yourself eating out a lot less

AND THANK JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF THAT THIS IS SO. I’m sure most of us, if not all of us, can relate to the thought process of “$40 for a shirt is bloody outrageous, but $40 for a nice meal and a beer is good value”. All the while you just watch the numbers in your bank account dwindle pathetically. Never before has Mum’s shitty Spag Bol ever seemed so appetising.

Your younger sibling is probably using your old bedroom for storage

And you’ll probably be the one that has to move all that stuff out of there.

YOU’LL HAVE TO FUCKIN LISTEN TO DAD LISTENING TO CLAPTRAP TALKBACK RADIO

Not that my Dad’s a racist, because he’s not, so I’m not really sure why he insists on listening to a bloke who, in his own words, “isn’t very fond of the Muslims”.

You’ll have to find a new local

This one didn’t hit me until about a week after making the move, and then I spent another week in this sort of existential crisis. However, this could be a blessing in disguise. While the bogan factor of my new local is pretty high, they also serve a generous-sized parmy for a fairly small price – all man has ever wanted since the dawn of time.

Guess who has a free lift into the club now, though?

Yep, that’s right. Your cunning ass. Go forth.

Watching Game of Thrones just got a whole lot more awkward

For obvious reasons.

You won’t be able to bring anyone back home with you

Unless your parents are literally the coolest people on the planet, in which case, you do you. I mean, the odds of your partner wanting to come back with you to your parents’ place is pretty slim, but give it a shot anyway you sexual miscreant.

You’re probably a whole lot closer with your rents now

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and you’ve spent however many months being independent. You may not be as independent anymore, but you can now appreciate everything that your rents did for you when you were younger. Suddenly, family bonding doesn’t seem like such an awful idea. 

Jackson Langford

Jackson is studying a Bachelor of Communication degree at the University of Newcastle and is the rightful heir to the throne.

Image: Tim Simpson, Flickr Creative Commons license

×
Hijacked

Sign-up to Hijacked’s weekly newsletter for the latest student know-how delivered straight to your inbox.
It’s time to nail this #unilyf of yours. Yew!

×