If uni students were inmates from Orange Is the New Black

August 04, 2015
Article Promo Image

Orange Is the New Black signified a revolution for television. Considering its unprecedented representation of a whole variety of women, it’s a bona fide trailblazer. And as we take our stroll through Litchfield in our yearly binge-watch, it’s hard not to see ourselves reflected in the inmates. In fact, the similarities between the inmates and people you’ll see in your standard lecture theatre are far more common than you’d expect.

Piper Chapman – your standard class know-it-all

You know that person in your tutorial who has a relentless and insatiable need to answer every question, correct you if you’re wrong, or just plainly put their opinion out there when no one asked for it? You have yourself a token Piper Chapman there, pals.

Alex Vause – too kool 4 skool

I don’t know about you, but nothing bothers me more than someone who incessantly whinges and bitches about how they don’t want to be in class, but still shows up without fail. In a way, it almost seems like they come to class to have a whine. Here you have your Alex Vause: slightly rebellious; mostly annoying.  

Suzanne “Crazy Eyes” Warren – space cadet arts student

“Crazy Eyes” is one of those rare roses who manages to remain completely focused on their art, but still seems in tune with what’s going on around them. I’m talking about the poncho-donning, barefooted, weed-smoking dude in the back of your class. Everyone knows one and, generally, everyone loves them.

Flaca/Maritza or Leanne/Ang – the annoying mates who insist on talking constantly

Lord have mercy on my soul the next time I can’t hear a lecturer talk because two girls to the right of me can’t shut up about their weekend. You can’t help but feel they’re always talking about you, and you also can’t help but want to get rid of them in a way that would actually land you in prison. Here’s a hot tip: if you think you and your mate might be these people, please stop.

Taystee and Cindy – class clowns

While a tired and OG classroom stereotype, they exist in every one. And frankly, it’s going to be hard to find someone who genuinely dislikes them. They’re your mates who you get excited to see during a dreary Wednesday morning tutorial, because you know they’re gonna whack a smile on your face at some point.

Brooke Soso – the out-of-the-loop mature-age student

Interesting how one of the newest inmates is the most similar to the mature-age student who doesn’t really understand what’s going on. Soso’s character is renowned for never truly grasping how the prison communities operate, and repeatedly getting annoyed when things don’t go her way. I can practically hear you cringe at the thought of that one MAS who isn’t going to understand PowerPoint before proclaiming, “Technology hates me!”

Norma – the lovable mature-age student

In a tute last year, I met a lady named Elizabeth. She was a mature-age student who remains one of the most genuine people I’ve met at uni. She was caring and witty, and never tried to prove her superiority over the rest of us just because she was older. She embraced the way classrooms operated in 2015, and would never be afraid to offer support or answer questions from us young whippersnappers.

Tiffany “Pennsatucky” Doggett – the antagoniser

Even just thinking about that one douchebag in class who wants to argue for the sake of an argument is causing me to fume out of my ears.

Big Boo – the sleaze

Every student body has one. Some would even say that these people go to uni just because there’s el primo talent there. They’ll sit next to you and start an innocent chat, and next thing you know, you’re at home with a friend request, follow request, and right bloody swipe from them before things escalate to “come over mine to watch Netflix and chill”.

Galina ‘Red’ Rezikov – the tutor

*In a Russian accent* Obviously.

Jackson Langford

Jackson is studying a Bachelor of Communication degree at the University of Newcastle and is the rightful heir to the throne.

Image: Lionsgate