How to pretend you’ve got adulthood totally covered

January 04, 2017
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To most of us, adulthood probably seems like a very far-off concept we’ll get to once we finally figure out how to succeed at this grown-up thing. While you might have the basics of dat #studentlyf down (like knowing how to stretch ten dollarydoos into a week’s worth of dinners), there may come a time when you’ll have to fool someone else into thinking you’re a fully-functioning adult. Luckily, we’ve got your back with this handy-dandy guide on how to pretend you’ve got adulthood totally covered. You’re welcome, friends.

Host a dinner party

Proper adults love dinner parties with as much passion as students love a good freebie. We’re talking wine that cost more than $5, cheese boards and fancy cutlery that earns itself compliments from guests. Hosting a dinner party is perfect for not just feeling fancy AF, but for totally convincing your merely mortal friends that you’ve got this adulting thing down pat. Heck, even just announcing that you’re planning a dinner party is sure to earn you a few nods of approval from your squad. Bonus points if you manage to cook up a menu that doesn’t involve anything from the frozen section of Woolies.

Have an actual pantry stocked with more than instant noodles

I know instant noodles are a glorious staple in every bright young thang’s diet, but there comes a time when you must, as the ancients say, fake it till you make it. If you want people to think you’re a properly functioning grown-up, it’s time to get yourself a dedicated pantry (the top shelf in your laundry is not going to cut it this time) and make it look like you’ve just finished discussing recipe ideas with Nigella Lawson.

Items like pasta and bread are great for filling up your space, while things like quinoa and goji berries are sure to make even the most sceptic visitor take a second glance. After all, adults are all about that health life and if you can make it look like you’re on top of it, you’re golden.

Proudly show off how your bank account isn’t in the negatives

The time has come, friends. Gather your loved ones because this is a moment that needs to be written down in the history books: the time your bank account wasn’t in the negatives and it wasn’t payday. I think I just shed a tear, you’re growing up so fast. Having that sweet, sweet expendable cash is probably the most legit sign that you’ve reached adulthood. Flaunt it.

Decorate the crap out of your flat and make sure people notice

Guys, it’s time to dig into those Pinterest boards you made for your future #housegoals. Decorating the crap out of your humble abode is the perfect way to trick everyone into thinking you’ve got your shit together. While those free movie posters you scored from your local cinema are a great conversation starter, you’ll need to turn things up a notch if you’re going to convince people you’re a proper adult.

Invest in some art to make it seem like you’re a deep thinker, while a creatively styled bookshelf adds the perfect amount of mysteriously intellectual vibes to any room. If you really want to go all out, a comically shaped key tray is the ultimate I’m-an-adult sign. Think of it like this: you’re a busy grown-up who needs the keys for their expensive adult purchases, like a house and car, within easy reach. We promise nobody’s going to argue with that.

Shannon Coward

Shannon Coward is a third year Bachelor of Journalism and Bachelor of Arts student at the University of Queensland. She enjoys period dramas, doughnuts and a good nap.

Image: Mad Men official Facebook page