How to deal with the dreaded Snapchat fuckboi
Ah, fuckbois. For the lucky among us who have never experienced one for themselves, the term ‘fuckboi’ describes guys who are “really into you”, but not ready for a relationship. They lead girls on in the hopes of having a no-pants party, ask for risqué pics, and have no regard for the wellbeing or feelings of those who fall prey to their conniving ways (#notallmen).
These glorious traits make Snapchat a fuckboi heaven. Within a few swipes of their phones, fuckbois can send disappearing text messages and unsolicited ‘dick pics’ to multiple people at once, without even having to get a gal’s phone number.
If this sounds like someone you know, here are just a few ways to deal with a Snapchat fuckboi that are much more fun than just deleting them.
While fuckbois are probably the most annoying thing that has come out of modern dating, there’s a whole world of hilarious clapbacks that will give you the entertainment you deserve after putting up with their gross behaviour.
When he asks you for nudes, reply with a photo of Michelangelo’s statue of David, or any other nude painting or work of art. If this doesn’t work, try completely ignoring his requests like you’re not getting his side of the conversation. Reply to his messages with pictures of your dog, your bathroom, the pile of laundry you should do, anything that will confuse him and get him off your back.
Get to know him
Does he know anything about astrophysics? Can he keep a plant alive? Does he believe in God? Can he clean a dishwasher filter? What’s his knowledge of ancient history? How many siblings does he have? Can he explain how the Internet works?
Ask him these things. Quiz him. Give him nightmares about being back in high school. This will not only deter him from ever treating you like a porn website instead of a human being again, but you’ll also probably teach him some valuable trivia while you’re at it.
Once you’ve realised you have a bona fide fuckboi on your hands, pretend you’re completely falling for whatever crap he’s pulling, get him interested in you and the photos you are ‘definitely’ going to send him, then beat him at his own game.
There’s very little respect a guy deserves if he refuses to take you on a date yet demands – hell, expects - naked pictures from you. All you are required to give him is an insincere “God bless you” and then a swift tap on the delete button. You can do this without getting him interested by playing along first, but it’s more fun and certainly more satisfying this way.
If all else fails, tell his mum
Fuckbois are basically God’s failed gag-gift to women. Designed to give everyone a good laugh at the expense of the male ego, fuckbois are now used by women everywhere to test our strength, resilience and sense of humour. But when dealing with a fuckboi becomes too much of a pain in the ass, it’s time to bust out the big guns and get his mum to scare him straight.
As immature and petty as this may seem (because it is), you’re making the world a better place by ridding it of one more fuckboi and preventing future women from having to deal with his shit, all from a simple Facebook stalk and a quick message to a concerned parent. There’s nothing like a pissed off mum to teach a boy how to treat a gal right and I can guarantee you’ll never have to deal with him again.
Penny is a Philosophy and Media and Communications student at the University of Melbourne. She enjoys travelling, snacking, and not going to the gym.