Hospo workers: What we say vs what we mean

March 24, 2017
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People who work in hospitality have to put up with a lot of shit. Hangry customers, walk-outs, screaming kids and not to mention the stressful fast-paced work environment that is all for minimum wage.

If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re annoying the wait staff, you can assume the answer is probably yes. Even if you don’t do it intentionally. Every once in a while you're probs guilty of making your servers' jobs a little bit harder. So on behalf of the beloved waiters and waitresses everywhere, here’s a list of what we say, and what we really mean.

What we say: Let me get my manager
What we mean: Let me get my manager so we can laugh at how ridiculous you are

FYI all complaints such as “I haven’t been served yet” when you’ve just sat down and “I’m not satisfied with the food” even though you ate it all are reasons for you to be the running joke for the rest of the night.

What we say: So are you going to split the bill between the seven of you tonight?
What we mean: So is this going to be easy or are you going to make this needlessly complicated for me?

I understand that big groups have to pay separately, but maybe organise yourselves and make everyone bring cash so I don’t have to put through a million transactions??

What we say: We’re really busy today and the kitchen is a little backed up. You should be getting your food any minute now
What we mean: It’s a warzone in the kitchen, your food might be out sometime today if you’re lucky

Why do customers always take it out on the waitress when the food is running late? I don’t make the food buddy, I just deliver it! And as you can see, it’s super busy and you are not the only customer dining here today. So don’t kill the messenger!

What we say: Are you ready for the check?
What we mean: Are you ready to get the fuck out? Because we close in five minutes.

There’s always that super loud group of 10 plus people that waltz in right before closing and order a three course meal with cocktails. They take forever eating their food and always leave a massive mess when they finally stumble out of there. Guess we’re working overtime tonight.

What we say: Yes sir I see you waving me down, I’ll be just a minute!
What we mean: Sit down and wait your damn turn.

As you can see, I have four hot plates balancing on my arms. Does it look like I’m in the position to be taking your order right now asshole?

What we say: Your food isn’t hot anymore? Sure I’ll take it back to the kitchen
What we mean: It’s cold because you’ve been talking for the past hour!

Customers who waste food are the worst when you’ve been on a six hour shift and you’re starving. A little nibble here and there could never hurt though could it? Oh c’mon we’ve all done it!

What we say: You want to know what’s good here? Ummm..The steak?
What we mean: You want to know what’s good here? LOOK AT THE FUCKING MENU!

How am I supposed to have memorised the whole menu for you? I can give you a recommendation but if you expect me to list every single thing we have off the menu then you’ve got another thing coming.

Sophie Nicolas

Sophie is currently studying a Bachelor of Arts and is an aspiring writer, dog enthusiast and thrift shop fashion icon.

Image: Giphy