Four things you need to stop doing in bars

April 19, 2017
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Bars, clubs and pubs – the holy trinity of university life. We use them to release our weekly stress of academia and get a little bit loosey goosey amongst friends.

But did you know people work in these places?

It may seem shocking, but a lot of work goes into letting you yell (not sing) Beyoncé classics while choosing the best angle to pose in so the social media pseudo-celebrity in the corner will notice you.

So, straight from a bar worker’s mouth, please stop the following.

Hitting on the bartenders

You’re drunk, they’re sober.

You’re partying, they’re at work.

You’re charming, wait no you’re just drunk.

This should be common sense and age old wisdom all rolled into one and yet somehow every night brings in a fresh crop of Don Draper, Harvey Specter wannabes. Bars and clubs can be loud places and when you find yourself shouting a witty pickup line over the bar for the third time, I can guarantee all you will get in response is a smile and a deep sense of embarrassment.

I get it, we’ve all been there. You’re drunk and juiced up on confidence and horniness but look around you, so are most of the other drunk people in the room. Ten drinks deep is not the best time to talk to anyone except someone else who is 10 drinks deep. Save yourself the shame as you walk away from the bar and leave your pick-up game where it belongs – with gross dancefloor moves.

Abandon your half-full drink

Ever marvel at the magic of the floor staff navigating through the crowds with 15 glasses stacked above their heads? This manifestation of real magic is impossible if anyone leaves a mostly-full drink anywhere.

If you buy a drink, finish it. Frankly it astounds me that that sentence is necessary advice to a bar full of uni students.

Some poor floor-staff has to pick that one glass up and carry it back to the kitchen instead of the hundreds of other empty ones they could be stacking. In the same way your boss at Target chews you out for not folding t-shirts fast enough, you can be sure that the bar manager will be having a word because that one glassy is having to take extra time with your full drink.

End the optimistic/pessimistic debate of whether a glass is half-full or half-empty and down that drink so it’s completely empty.

Sit on your last half-sip forever

If you have followed my advice and slammed your drink, don’t leave a Schrödinger’s sip of alcohol in your glass. For someone trying to clean up after you it could be a sip or not, they don’t know until they ask you.

Again, somehow, this advice can be summarised as “Finish your drink”.

No one wants to interrupt your drunk conversation about what a great guy Jim is to ask whether you’re finished with your drink. If there is even a semblance of liquid in your glass you should upend it and save us all the awkward moment of bar staff handing you back your drink to drain before they take it away.

Get an attitude with the staff

If you’re a uni student, work in retail, or you live with your parents – you are in the same boat as the bar staff. Getting dressed up does not make you a Kardashian or give you a license to talk to security like your presence in the club is a blessing.

If your glass gets taken before its time or security asks you to not be overly rowdy, the appropriate response is just chilling the fuck out because they’re just doing their job.

Just think, if you’re about to make a big deal out of something – you’re probably just drunk.

Darcy Munce

Darcy is a Journalism student at UNSW who can be found either watching American sport or '90s sitcoms. He dreams of one day anchoring at ESPN with enough downtime to re-watch Scrubs for the thousandth time.

Image: James Stewart, Flickr Creative Commons license

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