Five things nobody tells you about clubbing in your 20s

March 10, 2017
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Ah, clubbing, that humble, sweaty rite of passage that every fresh-faced 18-year-old eagerly awaits the day they are able to try. At first it’s amazing and you’re so ready to repeat the experience every weekend you can (much to your liver’s dismay). But then you hit your 20s and clubbing becomes a completely new experience – and not in a good way. That’s why we’ve put together this list of the five things nobody tells you about clubbing in your 20s, so you can know you’re not alone in your new adventures. You’re welcome, friends.

You’ll find yourself saying “I’m too old for this shit” on multiple occasions

There was once a time when you could think of nothing else to do on a Saturday night than hitting the club with your squad. You’d smash some pre-drinks, dance your heart out to some sick tunes and bounce out of bed the next day to do it all over again.

Now when you hit up the club with your bestie in tow, all you can see is the lines for literally everything, the lack of personal space and how much the drinks drain your poor, poor wallet. Congratulations, you’ve officially become too old for this shit. You now have license to say that exact phrase as many times as you want and trust me, you’ll definitely want to.

You’ll have to resist the urge to ask for IDs before you get your flirt on

Clubbing just wouldn’t be clubbing if you didn’t find your eye landing on at least one cutie at the bar. But in today’s age of non-gender-conforming clothing and contouring skills that would make the Kardashians proud, it can be hard to tell just how old somebody else is.

I hate to break it you, but that hottie you’re interested in getting to know may not just be completely out of your league, but may also be too young for you. I know, I know, you’re totally down with your fellow kids and all that, but maybe it’s a sign you should let this one go. Breaking the ice by asking for an ID is so not cute.

All the music released in the last five years will start to sound the same after a while

We all love guiltily dancing to the classic club tunes, but if you spend any amount of time in a club over the age of 18, you’ll start to notice that the music kind of sounds the same after a while. I don’t know if it’s something to do with getting older (like that ringtone from the early 2000s that only people under 30 could hear) or you just paid less attention to the music when you were younger, but it’s inevitably going to happen. It’s best to just accept it and get on with your life.

The bartender will do a double take when you order something without vodka

Let us all take a moment to think of the poor, jaded bartender who’s about to scream if he has to serve another vodka raspberry. Well, that bartender is about to become your new best friend when you not only order something without vodka or tequila in it (think of your future hangover, guys) but also don’t take ten minutes to decide what to get. The wealth of experience you’ve gained as a more elderly club-goer has just made another human beings day just a little bit brighter. You go Glen Coco.

You’ll probably still get asked for your ID by security

This might either be a blessing or a curse depending on how young you think you look, but chances are you’re still going to get asked for your ID by security. While your brain is that of a mature, suave semi-adult, your body is still that of a naive teenager and that’s definitely not going to change any time soon. Sorry guys, but at least you can always console yourself with the fact that when you’re 40 you’ll still look 20. Did someone say round two?

Shannon Coward

Shannon is a fourth year Bachelor of Journalism and Bachelor of Arts student at the University of Queensland. She enjoys period dramas, doughnuts and a good nap.

Image: How To Be Single official Facebook page