Five things long-distant couples are sick of hearing

April 04, 2017
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As someone about to embark on a long distance relationship (AKA a LDR), I can confirm that we cop a lot unsolicited advice. Advice that most of the time, we didn’t ask for in the first place.

If you’re about to start a LDR, I’m sorry to say it, but people are going to tell you that it won’t work out. That the end is nigh. That a break up is inevitable.

But you know what? In my experience, the people most eager to give advice are also the people who are awful at relationships. You know, the type that haven’t had a relationship that lasted more than three months.

If you want a taste of how annoying people are going to be throughout your relationship, here’s a look at what you’re in for. These are the five lines that those of us in LDRs would like to strike from the English language.

“I’d never be able to do a long distance relationship.”

Good to know, but did we ask?

This comment usually comes after someone asks how your long distance relationship is panning out. Or if your friend is super ambitious (hint: rude), they’ll share this unwelcome thought with you before you’re about to embark on one.

So you sit there smiling through gritted teeth, hearing them list all the reasons why they wouldn’t be able to be in a LDR. The thing is, you didn’t ask and you don’t care.

If only telepathy was possible, you’d be able to tell them to shut the hell up without saying a word. Long distance relationships are hard enough already and you don’t need to hear anyone’s thoughts on your life choices.

“It’s not going to last.”

Just what we needed to hear, that our relationship is doomed to fail.

Seeing as we’re the one in the LDR, we’re the one that should be having these conversations with our partner. We don’t need the added stress of knowing that the people around us don’t think it’s going to work out. We need their support.

So if your friend is about to enter a LDR and you don’t agree, spare them the lecture because frankly, their relationship is none of your damn business. Thanks.

“How’s that Skype sex though?”

Seriously, nobody wants to talk about having internet sex. It’s a don’t ask, don’t tell situation because it’s just awkward.

It also reminds us about the fact that our sex lives are limited to a computer screen and that’s just, well, sad.

And one thing that we definitely don’t want to hear is how you haven’t gotten lucky for a few weeks. We’re practically celibate over here, OK? Move along.

“My friends were in a long distance relationship and it didn’t work out.”

A fascinating anecdote that doesn’t help us at all and gives us an unwelcome dose of anxiety.

Every relationship is different and we don’t need to hear why other people couldn’t deal with the distance. Positivity is key, so if you want to share a story about a friend who is in a LDR and it’s going well, spill. Otherwise, keep it to yourself.

“What if you/they meet someone else?”

UGH. STOP RIGHT THERE. BACK IT UP AND START AGAIN.

This is one of the most common and most annoying comments that you can make to someone in a LDR.

Even if it is a likely scenario, it’s another unhelpful musing that’ll lead to fear and jealously.

If we were worried they’d meet someone else, or we’d meet someone else, we wouldn’t be in a LDR in the first place. Did that answer your question?

To all the people about to be/already in a LDR, keep up the good work. Unfortunately, you’ll just have to learn to shake off people’s comments like Swift in 2014.

Eden Gillespie

Eden Gillespie is an International Studies/ Media student at UNSW with a love for breakfast bagels and Louis Theroux.

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