Five supervillains that’d make better presidents than Donald Trump

March 08, 2016
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You’ve all seen the first Back to the Future film, yeah? Remember the moment in the film when they went back to 1955 and there was screening of a Ronald Reagan movie? Marty McFly was the only one aware of the fact that in 30 years’ time, that very same movie star would be the leader of the free world - and the 1955 townspeople thought this was some ridiculous joke. Well, Groundhog Day is upon us, folks, and there’s a very strong possibility that the man who was once only famous for his haircut, having lots of money and saying, “You’re fired!” is the Republican candidate for the US presidential election. 

Now, don’t stress just yet, because most sensible people are aware that Hillary Clinton is the much more viable option (I hope). But they aren’t the only ones.

Team Rocket

Why has no one seriously considered co-presidency? I mean, besides the fact that two people using their skills and knowledge to come together and cooperate to solve the world’s problems is obviously a terrible idea. If co-presidency were to ever take effect, my first vote goes to Jessie and James of Team Rocket. If we ignore the fact that nothing they ever did worked, and that they devoted their entire lives to capturing some random Pikachu, we have to acknowledge their ability to join forces with their enemies for the greater good. Meanwhile, Trump wants to build a wall to stop people from coming to America. Go figure.

Tyler Durden

Supervillain might be a stretch, but the creator* of Fight Club certainly wasn’t a great dude. However, Durden did demonstrate how cooperation, motivation and organisation could achieve a certain goal, no matter how devious or treason-y that goal was. (Although erasing my debt is a paradisiac dream of mine.) Trump, on the other hand, is slandering his competitors left, right and bloody centre. There’s only one person in Trump’s mind: Trump.

*If you don’t understand the asterisk, just watch the film.

Lord Voldemort

This guy’s perhaps the most famous pop culture villain of all time, and it’s important to note that there aren’t too many differences between the Dark Lord and the slightly Darker Lord. Both are incredibly racist, both have a sole focus on attaining more power, and it’s practically a scientific fact that both are almost completely soulless. I’m sure there’s a taskforce working on finding Trump’s horcruxes as we speak. But the one thing Tom Riddle has over Trump is the fact that he’s a wizard. Some of the world’s problems have gone on for far too long and, with a bit of persuasion, I’m sure we could get Voldy to wave his wand a bit to fix them. Maybe.

Tony Abbott

How’s this for a plot twist, fam? After an entire year of finding new and creative ways to tell you guys that Abbott was bad news, here I am telling you that he isn’t the worst news out there. Look, he definitely wrought havoc on our island home during his relatively brief stint as prime minister, but we can all agree he didn’t achieve Trump levels of bad. Some of Tony Abbott’s policies were abhorrent, but some of Trump’s policies have been so offensive and medieval that everyone initially thought he was joking.

Kanye West

Ah, yes, not the supervillain we need, but the one we deserve. Yeezy has been a certified media mogul for years now, but he seems to be as inescapable as his wife and in-laws in 2016. Whether it was the messy release of The Life of Pablo, his claim of being 53 million dollars in debt, or his endlessly entertaining Twitter account, Mr West has had a manic year already. Heck, he even announced his campaign for presidency in 2020. He and Trump are both equally ridiculous candidates for president, but you need to think in situations like these, “Who is less ridiculous?”

Jackson Langford

Jackson is studying a Bachelor of Communication degree at the University of Newcastle and is the rightful heir to the throne.

Image: Harry Potter official Facebook page