Education Minister Christopher Pyne's top five moments

December 03, 2014
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He’s been labelled by Marieke Hardy as more hated than Kyle Sandilands and on par with old mate Kanye, had effigies of himself burnt by protesting students, and today, he was even told to ‘man up’ by Karl Stefanovic. Education Minister Christopher Pyne is reaching an interesting stage of his political career.

And he’s had an even tougher week. Even after the government made some pretty significant concessions on their original higher education plan, fee deregulation was still voted down in the senate yesterday. Yet the Pyne won’t give up.

This morning he introduced his brand new bill, which (of course) still includes deregulating fees. He’s apparently spent this week annoying the shit out of every crossbencher in an attempt to get them onside – most notably Glenn Lazarus who has accused Pyne of inundating him with text messages “virtually begging” for his support; and will no doubt be lobbying everyone over Christmas, too.

Despite all this hate, we’re still pining for Pyne – he’s had some pretty fantastic moments. Here’re our favourites.

All the times he got kicked out for being badass

He’s a rowdy unit that Pyne. While it’s not uncommon for MPs to be ejected from parliament for disorderly behaviour (let’s not forget these idiots run the fucking country), Pyne seems to be a bit of a class clown. He’s been kicked out over a dozen times in recent years, and was the first MP to be kicked out after the introduction of new orders to make parliament less shit in 2010. He was also the first to be kicked out by the then new Speaker, Anna Burke, on her second day in the chair. Kind of like that one guy who has to be the first to terrorise the new substitute. Mate, you’re the definition of larrikin – keep it up, it’s clearly working for you.

The time he dropped the C-bomb in parliament

Personally, I’ve always maintained he said “grub”. And frankly, if he’d had the balls to call Bill Shorten a cunt in parliament, I would probably like Pyne even more. Despite the uncertainty, the internet still blew up about it. And fair enough, it was fucking hilarious. But ‘grub’, ‘grunt’ or ‘cunt’, Chris mate clearly has a knack for insults. Singular, irrelevant words that cut straight to the point – love it.

When he admitted to liking ABBA

We all like ABBA, they’re catchy as shit. But no one actually admits this – except Pyne of course. Typical. Anyway that’s not the worst bit. The comments were made on ABC’s Q&A following the death of Lou Reed, who Pyne doesn’t like in favour of ABBA. After saying some mean things about the late singer and heroin, he alleged that Reed (who released pretty much all of his popular solo songs in the 1970s) wasn’t big enough in the ’70s. Anyway, all of this prompted triple j’s Tom Ballard and Alex Dyson to write a song about it – ‘Take A Walk On The Pyne Side’.

The hilarious pun about Gillard

Not only is Pyne good at one-worder insults, he also kills it when it comes to punny comebacks. After being branded a “poodle” by Gillard, he immediately retorted by calling her a “foxy moron”. Yeah, we all get it – it sounds like oxymoron, and all politicians contradict themselves so it was probably true. But think of the subtext. Fox – Gillard has red hair; foxy – Gillard is a woman and we traditionally sexualise women with the term ‘foxy’; moron – he was calling her stupid because it was an insult. All of this done in the heat of the moment – nice one.

The petition to save the ABC in Adelaide

The media were all over this one. Pyne launched a petition on change.org to try and save jobs at the ABC in Adelaide, literally the same day the government announced cuts to the ABC. Ironic? Yes. But I do think the whole thing was a little unfair on Pyne, he’s not the one calling all the shots and he was just looking out for his Division of Sturt. But given like, politics, and unified government etc. you’d think he would have been better off using his awesome-text-message-lobby-powers to ask Malcolm, rather than making a gronk of himself infront of everyone. 

 

Pyne mate, you’re a legend. Keep up the good moments that make Aussie politics a sitcom for all. 

Sam Caldwell

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