Clubbing: expectations vs reality

September 05, 2016
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It’s Friday, you’ve just finished your last class for the day and you’re restless. Not the restless-tired, but the I-haven’t-seen-my-friends-for-so-long kind of restless. You need to go out so you do what’s logical. You open up the group message and send: “Who wants to go out tonight?”

Nothing’s going to stop you. Not Stranger Things, not the dog or cat, and definitely not sleep… well maybe just a quick nap and one episode, it can’t hurt…can it?

Expectation: “I’m so going out tonight.”

Reality: “Do I really have to?”

The excitement kicks in – you’re going out. Tonight is your night and with that in mind, everything just seems to get a little bit brighter. Yet, when you get home, kick off your shoes, shrug out of your clothes and collapse onto your bed, sofa or both, you’re immediately overcome with fatigue. And then your mind starts to wonder.

“Do I really want to go out tonight? I don’t think I’ll be drinking much anyway, I’m still broke from last time and all that…vodka…ugh.”

Expectation: “Pres at my place!!”

Reality: “Oh god. I really don’t want to do this. How can I get out of it?”

So you invite your mates over, get drinking and everything’s real chill. If you still feel like going out afterwards then you will, and if not, then you’ll order menulog, put on a game or a movie and just relax. Nothing wrong with that, right? After all, you’re still socialising and you’re definitely saving money.

Expectation: “Time to hit the road.”

Reality: “Do you guys just wanna get dinner and stay in… I’m pretty tired already.”

So it’s time to start calling for a maxi taxi or heading to the train station, but you just can’t seem to get up. So you start to justify staying in.

“I’ve had a really tiring day at uni, I don’t think I’ll enjoy tonight if I’m already so tired. The vibes are so good here anyway and we’re all settled in - I’d hate to break that up. Maybe we’ll just head to a bar later, yeah, that sounds alright. Nobody seems to want to head out anyway, yeah OK we’re staying in.”

Expectation: “You’re the best fucking friend I’ve ever had, man.”

Reality: “You’re the best fucking friend I’ve ever had, man.”

You’re outside sitting on of those white plastic seats having one helluva DNM. Or, you’re inside in a cosy corner with a beer in hand telling your bestie that you’d be nothing without them and that they don’t need no person cos they are a strong independent beacon of light.

DNMs are unavoidable - there’s just something about night time, alcohol, friends and all the saucy goss from the week.

Expectation: “How you doing?”

Reality: “Nope…”

Instead of making eyes at someone in da club and somehow dancing over to them, you find yourself already tucked away in bed. Your mates are probably lying on you, over you or beside you with their phones out, while Tinder entertains itself.

Expectation: “All the wild antics.”

Reality: “Dude wanna get a HSP? I’ll pay, you drive.”

You may be tired but you suddenly feel the rush - the adrenaline that gets you leaping out of bed and into the car.

It’s HSP time.

Pauline Hansen aside, who doesn’t love the holy trinity of lamb, beef and chips that make up the HSP? HSPs have the ability to satisfy our hunger needs - and after that monster serving you definitely need a drink AKA #maccasrun…

You may not have hit the clubs tonight but you did technically go out, winning.

Steffanie Tan

Steffanie Tan is studying journalism at Monash University.

Image: James Stewart, Flickr Creative Commons license